In my slumber I remember the ones who know how the story goes.

- The yellow ball who finds a boy.

- The African sun that sets on twelve young boys and girls, now fully loved out of a lifetime of huffing and fully protected from guerrilla warfare.

- Two women, sworn friends for life until death swallows the one and her yet single friend takes guardianship of her now orphaned sons.

They are there at the edge of the City; one by one they slide down the ripple of the sinking sun. ”My story friends!”, I cried. Out of reach I’ll never be able to love them into stories now.Their voices a silhouette as I shrink within myself.

It’s then that I hear the still small Voice beckoning to me.
“Don’t be dismayed, Little One, when the storms broil. Rather partner with the sparrow who knows not what the morrow brings.
The edifice you are building requires more of you each day.
On the ground you lay, willing its foundations to come forth.
You lean on it’s walls only to discover they are doors beckoning you beyond.
Have you forgotten how to entice your friends into their stories?
Take hold, Beloved.
Grasp for their history. Lean into their tale. Wind it around yourself like a veil and stay within until they come to fore.
Cause them to sing.
Your people will weep if you will weep.
They will dance in the moonlight if you will lead them.”

“Though your reason for living feels a distant tune sung by someone else, and you consider relinquishing your call..
Press in, Beloved.
Wrest the sleep from your eyes and pierce your own heart with their tale and soon you’ll know how they go.
Soon you’ll beat out the rhythm of their heartbeat and they’ll rattle to life.
You’ll whistle their wanderings and they’ll stand upon their emptied graves and cry “Sing it again!” and “Shout some more!”
And soon you’ll know how the stories go.
Dance, Beloved. Dance.”

There are motorcycles doing wheelies and dove pairs coo-cooing on the branches close to the window. Screechy speed demons test out their brake jobs. There is the deafening roar of the helicopters overhead and the fire engines and police cars as they make their way to the scene.

The more subtle sounds escape my ear but I depend on my eyes to hear what they have to say. Like reading lips I listen with my whole being, concentrating on the whole message and not just the spoken word. Does the little old lady in the rest home across the street understand that I bought flower boxes to match her glorious geraniums? Does she feel the warmth my spirit sends when I wave from below? And how about the homeless man who makes not a sound as he digs through the foul trash I just threw into the dumpster?

Few would hear the whir of the Hummingbird’s wings as they hover near my window panes. But some of the most important things are shown and not a spoken word anyway.

Los Angeles and Southern California require a whole new grid work for thought process. It’s nothing like North Carolina or the Midwest or even Michigan where I grew up. And so a new season begins. Interesting fact: we will always find ourselves at the start of a season in one aspect of our lives, mid-season in another aspect and bringing something else in our life to a close. I don’t know why that is. I just find it to be universally true.

I’ve started more households than I have fingers to count on. I love filling out the forms that want the last five addresses. I have to keep a log. I’m starting to look like a fugitive. Being mid-season with things … no matter how I add it up, I am mid-career. I’m a senior analyst whether I asked for the title or not. Knowing how to gracefully end a season in our lives is just as important as knowing how to get into stride and stay there, how to endure. I recently brought a five year tenure with my last employer to a close. Ending well requires liberal doses of graciousness.

The metaphor of a marathon or long distance bike (bicycle) ride is refreshing when I apply it to the changes that I’ve been facing. I suppose the 100 yard dash is the most accurate with all the hurdles I’ve been jumping these last weeks and months. Whenever I had a long ride planned, 80 or 100 miles, I made a lot of decisions ahead of time. I knew when I would leave, and I was prepared for the blazing sun to make the sweat run in my eyes and nearly blind me with salt. I would squirt orange Gatoraide in my eyes for relief. I was ready for a rain shower in the afternoon that would wash away that same dried sweat on my face but it would blind me as the water would pelt my face. I knew that I would arrive back home with a wicked headache but I’d go out again and again. Once the decisions are made the disciplined athlete does not revisit the issues. Let.it.rain.

What areas of your life have non-negotiables? In what ways have you made up your mind, and you are sticking with your decision, no matter what it costs you?

I am reminded of a couple of Olympic athletes. You are waiting for me to mention Lance Armstrong, but I was thinking of Mary Decker. A ferociously  talented runner, but in the 1984 Olympics Decker collided with Zola Budd. She was carried off the field by her boyfriend. I cried. I’ll never forget it because I was in high school rehabilitating my knee after a orthopedic surgery at 15 years old. I was a lovesick ballet dancer. I knew that I’d never really make a future out of it, but certainly not after that surgery.

No matter the things that beset us, the rides where we’ve eaten dirt or the hurdles we’ve taco’d … or even the pointe shoes we’ll never don again … I’d like to do this season well. Reader, we’ve both got a bit of road behind us but there is plenty of road ahead. We have finally learned how to dream big dreams with our giant God, and we have much to become. We are no longer afraid of our own shadow nor walk in shame over our mistakes.

Let’s run this one in such a way that we might win.

As hundreds of miles of desert and rocky bluffs passed by, we were grateful for the freeway even when the road quality was lacking. I-40 often ran in parallel to the historic Route 66, which was built in the 1920′s. To the side of the highway we often saw two-track etched into the rock, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was some of the original road westward, first defined by by footfall and then wagon trains, finally by vehicles. Like an engraving it was a sure path if the sojourner could ignore all the questions and unknowns.

I think I held my breath from Albuquerque, NM to Victorville, CA, praying we wouldn’t have a flat tire or some other vehicular dismay. I can’t imagine the fortitude of the true pioneers who endured those jagged cliffs for months on end … based on a word from a distant land, or from a newspaper article. What if they had never left the colonies? What if they hadn’t believed that there was ‘gold in them thar hills’? What if the TransContinental Railroad had never been built? What if the Wright Brothers had lost their sense of curiosity? What if those pioneering women had not had the courage to become the wives of strangers, and create a nation?

As we drove through that space of two days I was keenly aware of how we are wired to be pioneers. We gain it from our ancestors no matter our country of origin. Someone, somewhere in our past travelled long, dusty roads to reach a place they called ‘home’. And they made it a home for us. They built up the land and invested themselves into making it a place of rest, a place of industry. They prayed as they tilled the ground. Our nation has a foundation of prayer and tremendous pioneered effort, always someone going further ‘west’ into a place that has never been discovered before. Not long ago, the dot.com industry had instant appeal and almost just as suddenly it collapsed. But look at online retail today! I recently reserved an apartment 1500 miles away, set up electricity, water, gas and internet for the apartment almost before I’d even seen it in person! Okay it wasn’t as slick as that but very close!

There are many challenges in life which cause us to say, “I’ve never been this way before.” Risks in business, next-steps in relationships, people testing our mettle, quietly sifting our character. Rise to the challenge. Be the pioneer! Step into that new dimension of who your Creator has designed you to be. Status quo has that stale achy feeling to it because you were never intended to stay in it’s space. In creative edginess, whatever that looks like for you, you will realize your connection with men of old, like Abraham who “went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, … for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God.”

When we take on something that is bigger than we are, a dream that was planted in our hearts by God Himself, we step into something unique and great and powerful. And because it was His dream first we can trust that He’s more invested in it even than we are. And while we don’t always know the way, because it really is uncharted territory, we can trust that we know the Dreamer and He’ll see us through.

Think of the last time you sat in traffic waiting for a train. Did you open the windows to listen to the clackety-clack, or picture yourself walking on top of the rail cars as if you had nothing better to do? The company where I work is in the supply chain industry. So … think about seeds becoming plants; plants producing food; food harvested and transported by truck or rail to manufacturing plants; manufacturing plants making products; products being shipped to distribution centers; distribution centers delivering to stores; stores putting products on shelves; and you purchasing products for your family. That’s supply chain in a really simple description.

Now picture a bottle of vegetable oil in your kitchen … and then standing next to a rail car of vegetable oil. Your bottle of vegetable oil is still in your hand, and you are dwarfed by the magnitude of the rail car, let alone the amount of oil in the rail car itself. The comparison nearly blows your circuits doesn’t it? It fascinates me. Now compare your bottle of oil to a full train length of rail cars of vegetable oil. Or even many train lengths of rail cars. Thousands of rail cars.

Our comparison of one person’s demand for a product compared to the supply can go in many directions but I want to think about the principles of supply and demand in the Kingdom of God. Our economy is expressed in terms of monetary exchange, and we assign a value to a bottle of oil or a pair of jeans. We exchange or purchase the jeans based on the value determined by the company. If they are Lee jeans then they are one price and if they are 7 For All Mankind brand then a different price. But that economy is man-made, of course, and God is in no way bound to our way of doing things. He’s on His own schedule. He owns everything and so He’s free to ‘exchange’ on whatever parameters He likes. He happens to like ‘free’ a lot and that’s really good, I think.

But what if He put you in charge of a supply chain? What if He said that you should watch over, manage, tend the supply chain for a product line, or even an industry? Certainly Steve Jobs and Bill Gates would understand this principle. What if God so gifted you to lead the design for Apple products: Macs, iPhones, iPads, iPods. Or beginning with a small operating system like the Disk Operating System shape the way the world processes information?

Before you think to yourself, “Meh! She’s being ridiculous!” Realize that God uses ordinary people to impact and influence the whole world. We often think in terms of supply, meaning, I need the $100 to cover this bill. We do not often think in terms of the supply chain … all of the enormity of God’s abilities and the storehouses of God’s supply. He operates on a much larger scale … and yet an infinitely smaller scale at the same time.

God wants you to engage with Him and connect with Him so that He can do enormous things through your life. And yet He’s crazy with compassion toward you when you discover that first wrinkle or when your dreams seem dim and unreal to you.

In the same moment I like to ponder the enormous train car full of vegetable oil and the sparrow. There’s the old hymn, “His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.”

Ciao!

where she may lay her young. 

Psalm 84:3

With a singular focus and deliberation the bird circles and circles until she finds a safe place in which to nest. She is stirred and on a mission until she finds what it is she is looking for: a place. And then she broods, rarely if ever leaving until her eggs hatch.

A woman intuitively looks for safe places in which to lay her young, whether it’s for the children of her womb or the artistic endeavors of her spirit. She longs to give birth to the verses and the stories and the melodies but until their appointed time they remain hidden deep within … taking form, growing, nourished through her until they are able to sustain life on their own.

Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered into the heart of man,

All that God has prepared for those who love Him. 1 Cor 2:9

Scripture talks about how the way of the Spirit of God is mysterious. I would venture to say that the way of the Spirit is not unlike the mystery of conception and birth. A baby is a twinkle in her Daddy’s eye … he’s got a great idea. But from the point of where the idea begins until he bounces that sweet-faced child on his knee … we can only marvel!

When we enter into the creative process we are partnering with God to bring the stuff of the Spirit into the natural realm. The miracle of birth is always God’s doing but every time His own DNA mingles with that of the child’s parents. And let’s not forget about the heart. God always mixes in love, an ingredient He never forgets. Whether a creative work or the much hoped-for wee child: all that originates in His heart bears His image, His thumbprint.

As women we are utterly consumed with the birth process: awaiting the day when our knowing look will give us away; carrying the planted seed within, stretching out our lives to prepare for its presence; yielding to the transition and then the inevitable, unavoidable birth process. If a mother does not give birth she will likely die and certainly her child will die. Birth is not optional. Her body literally changes structure, her emotions are all fiercely protective and locked in on one objective: to bring this child into the world. And so it is with the creative works that He plants into our hearts, designed to come from us. Beautiful and yet ugly; awkward and yet perfectly orchestrated, red-faced and slippery our little ones come into this world.

Just as a mother has a core-level connection with her infant so have we with our creative works. Nothing is so wildly beautiful to a mother than the face of her son or daughter. From the outside we observe and critique but a mother never hears friend or foe call her baby ugly. Her role and calling are to lovingly carry, lead, discipline and cheer her child until he reaches full maturity.

Revision upon revision, reshaped until it stands on it’s own. One day the song will sing its melody in hidden places throughout the earth. The story will tell itself to the nations                      … until the day in which the melody expands and the story’s seed is flung to the wind.

And Father’s heart will have expanded once again.

With dove’s eyes the Creative will again find a safe place in which to lay her young.

If He is the sun then we are all moons reflecting His glory. — Author unknown

Though we underestimate the far-reaching power and magnitude of His love, and it’s ability to bring about radical change in a life, God falls over Himself to show that love to us. For me that love comes through the men and women He has given me as friends. Through loving them, and permitting them to love me, I have opportunities to see glimpses of what He is really like. I was talking with the Lord recently and He said this to me about some ladies who have walked over glass for me. I believe the message would be true of my husband if I had one. To the men reading this, I pray that you have men who have run the gauntlet for you and, slightly altered, you would find the Lord saying something similar to you …. in hurly-burly man-words like power, and guts, and war, and sharp, pointy objects. Oo-rah! Whatever. This is what He said to me ….

“Be ever in awe of what I am doing in her. She is carrying Me and manifesting Me in the natural realm. Because you know Me and see Me in her you can help her become more than she is today. You can help stretch her belief and her faith for what I am doing in her and through her. The more she believes, the more expansively I can be expressed through her life. My beauty is expressed in her beauty. My creativity is expressed through the creative works she encompasses. Walk with her and help her pull down her dreams and destiny into the Now of Time.”

And so seeing God accurately is more about seeing God in those around us. Find a friend who is chasing God. Walk beside them and carry their dreams in your heart. You might find they’ll do the same for you. Christ in you, the hope of Glory . That is the mystery.

Ciao!

Did you ever notice how Mary came to bear the Christ Child? She encountered an angel who spoke to her with the authority of God and in the blink of an eye she was pregnant. And then there’s Joseph who wanted to send Mary away secretly, but instead encountered God in a dream. After he awakened he changed his plans and took Mary as his wife.

Did you ever notice that as we read these Scriptures aloud to one another, our voices rise and fall in all the right places as we describe how Mary was nearly divorced because God interrupted her quiet life. Really. She was just minding her own business. And then wham! She’s thinking about maternity clothes. There’s no telling the amount of fracas that Joseph caused by taking Mary as his wife. It just wasn’t done. But! Each of them had an experience that radically shaped their destiny. They yielded to the Godhead and trusted Him for the outcome. Were they close enough to share with one another the nature of their encounters?

“So, um, Joseph … I’ve been meaning to tell you that I ran into an angel sent from God the other day. Joseph, are you listening to me?”

“Mary. Uh, I’ve got to talk to you. I had this dream, you see…We’ve got to leave Bethlehem tonight and cross the border. I know the little guy is only ten days old. And I haven’t forgotten that we came here with you so close to giving birth … on a donkey. Really, I’m sorry about all this. It’s God again. We’ve got to go.”

Time and space won’t permit me to review all of the supernatural encounters which are associated with Jesus’ birth. Zacharias, Elizabeth, the shepherds, and the magi. Oddly enough, the wicked ruler Herod got his information through the enquiring magi, not through a dream.

I marvel that, in current times, we seem to have outgrown our ability to be led by dreams or supernatural moments with God. Why is that, I wonder? Are dreams just for wee children? I wonder what Zacharias would say? He was an old Jewish priest who encountered an angel in the temple, and became mute when he questioned the birth of his son so late in life.

Just on the cusp of a new year I would challenge you to a year full of faith-filled dreams and moments with God. Ask Him to speak with you, to lead you by dreams … with His thoughts, His words. A year of life led by God Himself. It’s risky, but so filled with wonder and awe. He has great ideas!

Ciao!

Relationships with people are not meant in any way to be categorized. Categoros is that ugly word that is similar to ‘division’ and we don’t need any more of that!  And yet, in our nature, we have this deep desire to know that we are special to someone else. We long to be best friends and our ears strain to hear, “You are my best friend.”

Sometimes when I struggle I’ll look at how Jesus handled things when He was here among us. Even though He was surrounded by people during His ministry He never articulated anything about who it was He felt closest to. We draw conclusions by what we see in Scripture but He never reveals it directly. At the same time you never got the sense that Jesus withheld parts of who He was, in a manner of self-protection or categorization. When people were with Him, He was incredibly transparent. He told them how he was going to die … I wonder, have you shared that with your nearest and dearest?

When I was in my teens I made a commitment with the Lord to be transparent with people so long as He would use it for His purposes. In other words I didn’t mind people seeing my decision processes or my struggles. In the midst of my sharing my life with you, I’m trusting the Lord will encounter you and show You something special about Himself. He’s like that. He loves opportunities to show off His love and to uncoil mysteries about His ways. Over the years that commitment has become something I’d not planned for in that the Lord has given me lots of rich and deep friendships. I cherish every single one. Some of those people have passed on, and some are with me today.

People handle intimacy differently, believe it or not. Some people appreciate information about events, “What happened?” Other people are wired for, “How did you feel about what happened?” And a few others are safe enough to ask, “Who are you and who do you want to be?”

I’ve got to jet. Work awaits. But, “Who are you and who do you want to be?”

“That’s just how it’s done.”

Oh.

I wonder if you hear the same authority and even arrogance that I did when I listened to myself speak. I cut my teeth on phrases like that. Words and ways of doing things. In this season where I find myself stuck with dreams that fail to gain traction, it occurs to me that I’m guided like the rails of a train track by phrases just like this, “It’s just not done.” “You need to make wise decisions so that God will bless your life.” “You need to wait on God.” Yada, yada. Christian rhetoric and societal rules for playing it safe and getting it right.

What if? What if those phrases actually represented a deep root of pride? What if they implied that I want to be found as someone who made all the right choices? What if they implied that I cared very deeply about what others think instead of caring most about what God thinks? What if God were waiting for me to just take a step instead of trying to always go about things the right way? I’ve never thought of myself as a perfectionist because precious little in my life implies perfect achievement and thus it’s silliness to even go down that path. Yet those who are close to me will attest that I am wired to do it the.right.way. And yet. Isn’t it the same thing? I’m the last to figure this out, by the way.

It strikes me that we hold this pose of doing things right and then we hold God hostage because He should bless us now. “I’ve done it the right way. I’ve waited (or not). I’ve spent frugally (or not). I’ve given generously (or not). And now You should get in line, God, with my plan for my life.” We pin stuff on God like He’s the donkey needing a tail.

The Uncertain Path

I’ve known that the Kingdom of God is upside down, that faith doesn’t make sense, and that logic totally interferes with faith. Noted. But if I’m so committed to playing it safe and doing things just so, when do I break away from self-righteous judgment and begin walking by faith? Does it mean that I should cut bait and run? Does it mean that I should plow into a relationship with the wrong man because now I’m walking by faith and God will catch me? Does it mean that I should walk away from my obligations and commitments?

What I said earlier is profoundly true: The rules that we unconsciously live by are like train tracks. Those rails keep us so tightly wound that we won’t even watch for God to intervene supernaturally because we are so hard-wired to have things go the way we think they should go. And God? He’s keen on doing things in such a way that we’ll know it could only be Him. He wants to blow our circuits with His goodness and His creativity.

My heart is quiet as I realize the deep pride that is rooted in my words, and the authority with which I’ve spoken them. No wonder He’s waiting for me.

A heart-change would be good right about now. After that? I think I’m going to live a little.