I’ve reached point of undertow, that unenviable point where it’s necessary to kick it into high gear if I want to sell my house. And I do! Want.to.sell.my.house.
Have you ever been that way, where every cell in your body is geared to accomplish one thing?
Perhaps you heard me howling over the airwaves early in June. You probably thought it was the bloodhounds in my neighborhood, but no, that was me. I learned that, for five months, the listing for my home on the Multiple Listing Service made my home appear as though I lived in a one-horse town about 20 miles north of where I actually live. The listing was corrected and re-started, thankfully.
It is for this reason that I find myself in early-July’s steamy heat, power-washing my entire house, garage (ick), and patio. Attractive, flicky chips of grey paint flew off my porch at the speed of …well, fast water … and attached themselves nearly permanently to me or the house. Words. Words just don’t describe the fun I had! The festivities culminated this morning as I chased a thunderstorm with my mower, and mowed my front lawn WET. Anyway, it’s done…the prep and the first open house.
This afternoon, as I sat in my local Starbucks with very large latte, I tuned into a song on my iPod. I’ve written about this song in the past but the artist, Jonathan David Helser, is gifted and the song I’ve Seen I AM completely unhinges me.
I looked into the eyes of The Lion
Felt the courage of His gaze
I heard Him roar my name with passion
As I buried my tears in His mane
Looked into the eyes of a Lamb
I saw Love face to face
I felt grace destroy my sin
As mercy flowed from those veins
I’ve seen I AM
Now I am LOVED
I’ve seen I AM
Now I know who I am.
As I listened I felt all my drivenness and striving drain away from me.
You see, when we allow ourselves to be loved … truly loved by One who will never fail us, and we also permit ourselves to comprehend what that means, it has the ability to redefine everything. Some days we let our responsibilities pile up on one another, and create walls that we try to lean on for support. We attempt to find identity in the things we do. And we’re severely disappointed when our efforts fail to supply what we really crave.
Love. True love. Not the romantic kind. Not the familial kind. But that in-spite-of me and even-though-you-don’t-understand-Me kind of love … it doesn’t come from a person. We’re not capable. Only Father God can love us in that deep, wrenching kind of love. It spins you off your dime because you and I can’t even define it, let alone generate it.
I can tell you this, though. You haven’t lived until you’ve felt love like this. You see, the Lamb and the Lion of the Tribe of Judah are both Old Testament name for the Messiah, Jesus Christ. In each we see pictures of who the Son of God is to us. He’s fearsome and powerful. He’s incredible gentle and fragile beyond words. We have the opportunity to lean into this powerful Lion, and also be tenderly loved by this Lamb. Somehow, when we let Him He comes close. It’s unnerving. But it’s beautiful. It’s fearsome because it threatens our whole plan. The process is, for me, is like a free-fall…releasing my hold on everything and simply letting Him encompass my world.
And then somehow chippy paint sticking to my legs doesn’t mean beans to me anymore.
I’ve seen I AM. Now I know that I am Loved.
Special thanks to Singer-Songwriter Jonathan David Helser for the reference to his song.