marriage

On Love – What It’s Really Like

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And … she speaks. Finally.

Did you ever find yourself completely outside your normal way of behaving, and have trouble finding your way back to the Central Headquarters that define *you*? I’ve been there. Sometimes a man throws us so far off the rails that we find ourselves gathering our skirts and scrambling back to that place we are comfortable. Unfuffled reathers. “You haven’t permission, Darling, to mess with our world as we know it. You, in fact, are too complicated. Not we.” As handsome and beautiful as you are, you take us so far off the grid that we desperately need to get back to zero, even alone-ness, to regain our sense that we’re going to be okay.

Yeah, there’s one or two of you out there.

I know what it is to have every interaction feel like you’re being clobbered in the solar plexus. It’s messy, caring for someone It’s certainly not as you thought it would be. It’s a bit like being in a fender bender car accident where you walk into moving traffic to collect your bumper and put it into your trunk. Or examine a headlight that got crunched because you didn’t measure spatially quite right. Smile. You know what I’m talking about. Easy Captain, don’t crush the Girls.

In fact when you speak, it’s the language of the Kingdom, the words you speak call us higher. Our parents told us about you. They told us that one day you would walk into our lives. They counseled us to wait for the one who reminded us of Home. To wait for the one who loved us so well, not saying and being the things we wanted to hear but the things that would make us become a better person. A Giant. That’s the one to marry. Be-friend and employ whomever you like, but marry the woman who reminds you of your selfless mother. The man who reminds you of your servant-hearted father.

There’s nothing wrong with needing the ministering heart of a friend, but a husband or wife comes along as a peer. They appear as one who floods Life into the picture. Fire-breathing Strength. Tenderness and transparency are to be cherished, but a good marriage is built on the bridging of two healthy people standing on their own … not to steal strength and emotional stability from us, but to give.

Lastly, there’s something to be said about one being able to feed one’s self, to eat of the meat that is Christ, and to stand. “And having done all these things, to stand…” That’s what life will demand of us as individuals in Christ, the ability to walk it out: to make a plan and stick with it. To discipline ourselves to bring about healthy change. To bear fruit that lasts. A healthy marriage will require no less.

There’s nothing more beautiful or demanding than the call to love someone. It wouldn’t be honest of me to let you walk away thinking I know what it’s all about. I don’t. But I love *you*, and that gives me an idea of what this concept of marriage might be about.

Ciao!

Let Agape Lead the Way

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He was an old man. He knew that now. Unprepared for the winding road of life, he froze. He couldn’t find his way, really. Grasping for answers to the questions too deep and too bare, he grasped the bottle in his hand. It was the only thing that would stay.

She wouldn’t stay. He knew that now. He’d hurt her too deeply with cuts far too deep to stain with blood. The bruises he’d left with his steely words would never heal. They would, in fact, become her heart ache that would snatch at her life for the rest of her days. His vice grip on her heart would pain the windows of her soul until she, too would know she had to let him go.

The twisted tunnels of Life contorted a marriage whose walls once rang with laughter, and whose foundations once whispered about the way of Love. When Sorrow calls where will you go, and whose arms will grip you while you keen? When yawning Need and Lack knock at the door will you shout them down, or will they scratch at the screen far into the night until you let them in? One by one, they’ll steal their way in … abandonment, isolation, loneliness, greed and all their cousins. But seal the door you must. Let no one in who isn’t guided by Love’s keys.

Bow low before the Father. Kneel before one another. Let Agape lead the way.

— Agape: love without requirements