trust

Through The Eyes of a Child

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Maybe it’s the nature of who I am. Or maybe its this lifetime of never having been married. I’m 44, for heaven’s sake. Did you know that AARP had the audacity to send me an early enrollment form? I nearly spat on it.  I don’t know what compels me toward child-likeness, but I’ll suggest that it’s a dominant gene in my DNA.

And yes, Virginia, your DNA is twisted all to heck.

And did I tell you I might be slightly ADD? I’m only just now getting the picture. It’s that whole distraction thing. Like a freight train. Bird! Plane! Boing! Zoom! But ADD folk make great writers and programmers as long as you give them headphones with classical music. It soothes their fuffled reathers.

Childlike. To be like a child.

So many things in life demand every inch of our attention span, our energy, our focus. We need to drive the ROI. Think outside the box. Strategize. Give! Be present in the moment! Expand. Reduce. Minimize. Be faster, more efficient. It’s exhausting to just write the phrases let alone give them any meaningful consideration.

I possess memories of a nearly idyllic childhood. As kids in the Penhale family, together with our friends, we ran wild across acreages with creeks and barns and trees and open fields. We lived in the land of make believe. We would tumble indoors after playing in the creek all day, soaked to the bone, muddy, covered with horse hair or just outdoor-ness. We thought we were so burdened, so encumbered with cares. In reality we lived like bandits. Our needs were few. We trusted more. We didn’t need elaborate explanations about why.

A little boy asked me once, “Why is red?”

I looked him square in the eye and said, “Because.” He nodded solemnly, and ran off to play.

It’s enough to be like a child.

Ciao!

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At Loose Ends

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You’ve heard the expression, to be at loose ends. I’m probably making this up but let’s suppose the true origin of the expression is from weavers as they reached the end of the warp yarns. They would find themselves at loose ends. Weaving creates a powerful word picture for that idiom because it is makes sense that there’s a call for action on the part of the weaver. He will need to bind the end of the fabric to finish it off, so that the loose ends are not able to fray.

Warp and Weft, courtesy of Wikipedia

When I look at the tapestry of my life, it feels like there are many loose ends. I’m casting about trying to understand the relationship of one yarn to another. Some strands are coming to an end while others are vibrant and powerfully influencing the direction of my life. Yet a tapestry is not created around a single thread or yarn by itself. It requires the presence and purpose of all of the other yarns with it.

I keep staring at the short yarns that seem to have ended too soon, and others that seem unwieldy and never-ending. Some threads I need and others I’m ready to toss out like a bad date. Through it all there is the conundrum of the now and the not yet.

Have you ever felt the tension between letting go of one thing and trying so hard to be into the next thing, and it remains elusive to you? I know I’ve quoted this bit before, but Elizabeth Elliot speaks of the need to “… carry within one’s self the unanswered question.” That is so apt for this present season of my life. To carry within seems to denote a yieldedness to be burdened. There is also a letting go of expectation. No more insistence, “It has to go my way, or I won’t play.” As elementary as that sounds, it is most often where I find myself. Thankfully yielding doesn’t entail blindly thrusting ourselves into a black hole. We entrust ourselves to the King.

Remember earlier I mentioned that the weaver needs to bind the loose ends of a tapestry? In a way I picture myself binding myself, my loose ends and my life to my King. Somehow I’m going to choose to let Him lead, and yield myself to that vulnerable and soul-searching process.

Ciao!

The Next Thing

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In my last blog entry I talked about Being Youfor such a time as this. For the last year or two, I’ve been observing friends and family members who, just like me, are in transition from one season to another. It seems like so many of us are on the brink of the next thing, as we wait with breathless wonder on how things will work out. Where will we be in our careers? Will we get that promotion? Do we even want careers? What will our ministry look like this time next year? Will we be in Africa? In Nebraska or North Carolina? Married? Enrolled in a graduate program? So many questions and not enough answers. As I continued to ponder Esther’s life, it seems like her story is more significant to me than I realized. Entertain a corollary, if you will.

Each of us has questions about what the future holds, and certainly the economy and ideological changes in our country encourage that sense of uncertainty, or at least confirm it. No longer can you assume identity with a company to the extent that you *know* you’ll be with them for 30 years, and then retire. Even more challenging is when life throws a curveball and you find yourself struggling to put food on the table. I’ve been there. Suddenly, the focus shifts from the future to making it through the day, and the goals become more short-term, like paying rent this month, or avoiding shut-off notices.

The reason Esther found herself in the king’s palace to begin with was because the king was seeking a woman who would set a godly example for women throughout the Persian empire. Esther’s beauty surely played a part … natch, the king wanted a beautiful chick. But it was Esther’s character that caused her to find favor in the eyes of all who saw her. The thing is, Esther stepped into the position of queen long before she was ever acknowledged and crowned. She had one requisite visit with the king, as a part of the campaign, but “she would not again go into the king unless the king delighted in her and she was summoned by name … So Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus to his royal palace in the tenth month… The king loved Esther more than all the women, and she found favor and kindness with him more than all the virgins, so that he set the royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti.” Esther 2:14-17 pp.

Esther spent four years in the king’s palace before something happened.

God leads us in ways that surprise us but He doesn’t leave us hanging…for long. Imagine how Esther must have felt, waiting four years to meet with the king and then having just one chance to make a good first impression. Somehow Esther must have understood that the crown would be hers and she stepped into that authority, that confident knowing where she was headed, and the position that would be hers. Amazing. Yet the same is true for each of us. We can prepare ourselves, we can knock on doors, we can try different things to make our destiny happen. But there comes a point when we have done all that we can do and we must simply stand. Ephesians talks about being strong in the Lord, and in the strength of His might, putting on the full armor of God … and, having done all these things to stand firm. It’s really a profound concept because it forces the realization that the journey that we’re on is in the Lord’s hands. Sure, we make choices and influence the twists and turns that it takes but if we have a truly yielded lifestyle with the Lord, He’ll take us into king’s palaces and other places of influence. Then we can only humbly stand back and be amazed at His goodness. Psalms reminds us also, where it says, “This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.”

Do your homework, prepare yourself. But when the time is right, take your position and simply stand.